Another tense day with S. My mind is just a whirly-gig in a strong wind at the moment. I cannot shut it off or shut it down even a little. Today I decided to publish my creed - I have been formulating it now for about 3 weeks - no wonder I cannot stop thinking. I have decided that it will be static, shifting and moving, growing, forever fitting around me, supporting me, giving me hope and comfort. They did not take me that long to formulate - every time there is an incident with S, I use my statements like a mantra, silently chanting to myself.
- Be true to myself, do not be afraid of making hard and maybe hurtful decisions
- I am a strong person
- I am a well person
- I believe in myself, my abilities, my desires and my future
- I will be happy to be alone until I meet the person who is unconditionally accepting, loving and supportive of me and I of him
- I deserve happiness
- I will continue to grow beautiful daughters, sure of themselves, confident, compassionate and caring
I don't know how I am going to go in real life - the tears are already pouring down my face. When I read my affirmations I feel sadness that my marriage is not want I wanted or thought it would be 14 years ago. My eyes are burning from tiredness and sheer unhappiness. God, please give me strength - I am feeling so vulnerable right now.
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